This post is about to get very personal, and very real. If depression is a trigger for you, I would avoid reading this.
I wanted to write a review about A Court of Thorns and Roses but I feel that writing this is going to get my point across so much better. The cover for A Court of Mist and Fury came out last week, and I can’t explain just how freaking excited I am for the second book in this series. Look at how awesome the cover is!
I have been wanting to write this post for a long time, so I felt today would be a good day to sit down and touch on a not-so-fun topic. I can’t really explain the feelings I have for ACOTAR, so let me explain why it means so much to me.
Last year just after summer, I found myself falling into a deep depression, one of the worst I have ever been in. The coils of darkness were snaking around through my mind, and before I knew it I was at the very bottom of the snake pit. The way I described it to my doctor was that I was at the very bottom of a hole, and when I looked up the darkness was neverending. This dark moment of my 2015 year would lead to the diagnosis of my Borderline Personality Disorder. During this time, I couldn’t leave my room, I wasn’t sleeping, and I could barely bring myself to shower. I was on an antidepressant that was one of the worst you can be prescribed. I was losing weight, unmoving, and unfeeling. Nothing in life was making me happy. I was crying for hours on end, and unable to function like a normal human being. I was reading a book a day because I couldn’t leave my room. I didn’t enjoy many of them, but if I look back at all the books I read now, they were amazing.
One day my husband, Jody, was heading into the city, and he suggested I come with him. He mentioned going to the bookstore. ( He knew it might be the one chance to get me out of the house. ) We have a little town next to us, and the women at the bookstore know me quite well from being in so often. When I walk in, they smile and wave but no one comes to ask if I need help. Some people might take this as rude, but to me then and even now, it’s a blessing. I was uncomfortable with people, and not really in a position to hold a solid conversation unless it was Jody.
I remember walking into the store and thinking about how much I wanted to read some more stand alone books. Something I could read once, and not commit to long term. I didn’t want to get into something too series when I couldn’t even get up to shower. While scouring the shelves, I came across A Court of Thorns and Roses. I’ve always judged a book by its cover, and this one was nothing less of stunning. I knew about Sarah J Maas, from both the book world and my own bookshelf. I owned all of her books in hardcover but had yet to read them. ( I am currently in the process of reading them before the new book arrives! ) I thought at the time that this would be a standalone so I snatched it up and took it home.
I devoured this book in a day like I had been doing for a while, but there was something different about this book. I found myself smiling, and smiling not only during but after the book. I couldn’t stop thinking of the characters, and how everything played out. It was a constant movie in my mind. I remember putting the book down in front of me when I finished and just smiling. This might seem like something normal people would do. Happiness is something I find people take for granted sometimes; You don’t know how important it is in your life, or how happy you are until the world is ripped out from underneath you. There was no light in that hole. but something had managed to pluck out some emotions. This book managed to make me feel human again; to feel emotions that seemed like they would never come back.
From that point on, I found myself slowly moving closer to becoming myself. I did end up getting out of that hole, but it was rough. It was one of the toughest things I have dealt with, and to this very day, I still have a hard time thinking about it.
How much do I love this book? I want to take glitter shaped like stars and toss it around this book. I hold it so close to my heart, and I can’t wait to get my hands on the second book. It’s full of action, romance and adventure. I am dying to know what’s going to happen between Feyre and Rhysand. I NEED to know. Also – Tamlin and Rhysand are some of the hottest book characters of 2015! I might have a crush on both of them. *Cough* Tamlin is my favorite, though. *Cough*
This year I was going to try and head to Bookcon to meet Sarah J Maas since she will be there signing books. Unfortunately, I can’t make the trip down. It’s been a difficult decision to make in the past two weeks. Between my severe anxiety, and just learning about my BPD 3 months ago, I have a lot to tackle head on. My goal is to go next year, though!
If I could meet Sarah in person, I would tell her how amazing her name is. ( I mean, come on. All Sarahs rock.) And then I would tell her just how much of an impact this book had on me. For some people, it might be hard to understand my feelings about this book. To me, this book was like a life jacket. It helped me float my way back to feeling like my normal, book loving self. I would tell her that it will forever hold a spot in my heart and that I am getting emotional just writing this sentence. I would thank her for helping me come out of one of the scariest places of my life.